Wednesday, November 30, 2011

prayer works

his shirt says "mommy loves me"...I sure do. 

That is my finger there up by his armpit...he is so small. 

I have been wanting to post all week...and have had so many thoughts and feelings that I wanted to write down.  Somehow I didn't though.   

This has been a hard year for us.  Starting with Cortney getting hit by a car...till now.  I think the hardest we have ever had.  Throughout the tough times though, we have pulled together and become even better friends.  Even through all the stress we have been happy.  Everyday.  We realize how blessed we are.  Just the opportunity to be pregnant again was a wonderful thing.  I would always think to myself on especially hard days, a lot of people would do anything to be grateful.  And I was.  

I bonded earlier than usual with the baby in my tummy, I just really loved him from the beginning. When I found out something wrong, and had to start monitoring his every movement, I really came to cherish every single roll and stretch that he did.  Every hiccup was a sign that he was still alive and well.  I won't lie...the last 4 weeks have been some of the most stressful ever, it was really hard.  But I would lie in bed and hold my tummy he would move and I would be calm.  

When I was getting ready to push Theo out, I started crying.  I didn't know if I was ready, I was scared.  Overwhelmed.  It was the moment of truth and I just wanted everything to be okay.   You can see my relief in the pictures after he was born.  He had made it alive, he was crying and breathing, and he was that baby that I already loved.  He was here.  It was such an emotional day. 

I looked at him and he looked normal.  (I don't know what I was looking for, but he looked just like my other kids)  They cleaned him up and left him in my room for the rest of the day.  I was in shock.  Where were the tubes??  Why wasn't he whisked away when he was born like I thought.  I had prepared myself for the worst and hadn't prepared myself for the fact that I might just have him with me like it was no thing. 

I have said before that I wasn't nursing this time.  I went back and forth on it, but in the end decided it would be best for both of us if I were healthy.  It was so different giving the baby a bottle in the hospital.  I won't lie though, I liked it.  I miss nursing so much.  And my hormones have been CRAZY.  But when you have a tinsy tiny baby, it is nice to know they are getting milk.  I can count the ounces.  I like that.  

The next morning Theo had a brain ultrasound, so they could get a more detailed look at what we were dealing with.  My nurse came back to me afterwards with the baby and showed me the radiologists report.  I just saw it for one split second, but there were the words...written by a doctor...Normal brain ultrasound.  Theo's brain looked normal to the radiologist.  Even the tech told the nurse that he didn't see a real difference in size in the left and right cerebellum.  

I saw Theo's brain in probably 8 different ultrasounds in utero.  With 3 different doctors all finding the same results.  

My baby was healed.  

When the nurse showed me the papers...I didn't believe it.  I didn't understand.  How could that be possible?  I asked the doctor the next morning as he did rounds...he said the brain looked just fine.  

I told Cortney the morning we left to the hospital to have Theo, "Well Cort, we either believe in all of this fasting and praying or we don't...and we do."  We knew that morning when we left that things were going to go just as they were supposed to go.  

I was so overwhelmed by the amount of people we had praying for us.  My little nieces and nephews were fasting for us.  Oliver fasted for us.  Cousins, aunts and uncles, brothers and sisters, parents, friends, neighbors, ward members, grandparents. I could feel the prayers, and support I really could.  And you know worked

All last month I taught sharing time and the lessons were about Prayer, with the last 2 weeks centered around "Heavenly Father hears and answers my prayers".  As I struggled through that time of unknowing it was such a blessing to be teaching these basic gospel principles to the children.  

"Ask, and it shall be given unto you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."  3 Nephi 14:7

I just kept remembering this scripture and telling the kids that if they ask it shall be given them.  I knew the same applied to me.  

I am so grateful for the reminder of the little simple things.  Thankful for the opportunity to have the faith of a little child, and just believe.  

While we were in the hospital we learned a little more about the CMV virus that I had tested positive for (I won't lie I was freaking out).  Turns out I didn't test positive with the virus, but I tested positive for antibodies that mean I have had the virus at some point in my life.  This would only be dangerous for Theo if I got the virus while I was pregnant with him.  So we talked to our doctor, who talked to the infectious diseases doctor, and they decided to have Theo tested for the virus.  If he had it, it can cause all kinds of birth defects, from mental retardation to hearing loss.  Not only that but he would be a carrier of the disease and wouldn't be able to be around pregnant women.  Everyone everywhere is pregnant.  I needed to know if he had this or not.  I didn't want to be passing it on.  They took FOUR samples of pee.  Spilling the first one and losing the second.  They even had to place a catheter to get it. Poor baby.  I got the results back yesterday for that test.  It said NOT DETECTED.  

I felt like I could finally blog about his health.  Here he was totally normal just small.  The things I am dealing with are just the preemie kind of things you deal with.  Even then he is doing so much better then most 4 lb babies out there.  The kids a SUPERSTAR I am telling you.  

I took him to the doctor on monday, everything looked great.  He weighed in at 4 lbs 5 oz.  Still down an ounce from his birth weight but up from when he was released at 4 lbs 3 oz.  He is eating good.  He is peeing good.  The only thing they are worried about now is his body temperature is low.  I went in again on Tuesday and it was even lower.  The nurse in the office said she hardly ever sees a baby that small out of the hospital.  We feel more than lucky here. 

PHEWWW that is a lot of reading to get to the end of this.  

For now I am just staying in my house.  No store, no fun, just me and the boys inside waiting around.  Waiting for Theo to get bigger and not be so fragile.  

My ward has totally been taking care of me with meals.  I feel so humbled and blessed.  I also feel loved.  

It has been such an emotional roller coaster.  I can't believe he is here. He is amazing. 

A miracle...that is for sure. Prayer works.  I am so grateful for yours.  

Thursday, November 24, 2011

The big day part 2

UPDATE...Theo is now home.  He came home yesterday.  It was quite the surprise since they said it could be anywhere from 2-7 days.  I was pretty scared to bring him home but now that he is here I am remembering that I can do this.  I totally got this.  Haha. 

Here are some more pictures of the big day.
My first look at him.

If that isn't his mom's scowl I don't know what is.

First baba.

My nurses Lindsay and Debbie....LOVED them. 

My kids came to visit a little after he was born.  Our first family picture.

Henry isn't too thrilled about this whole thing.

boice boys

Cute huh??

Grandma, Cali and Joe came by for a visit. 

Then Linh (yeah I look pretty tired at this point I think it was around 10 pm).

Jason and KaeLynn came next. 

This is my night nurse Vicki, I had her both nights and actually had her with my last baby too.  I loved her, and was pretty sad to say goodbye to her.


I came home tonight.  Little Theo has to stay for a little while.  He needs to be eating better and getting bigger instead of smaller before he can come home.  I am so grateful for WONDERFUL nurses who really took care of both of us so well.  I really felt loved by them.  And was sad to say goodbye.  I am also more than grateful to have him be in a hospital that is one minute away.  It will make going there for feedings way easier.  I feel really good about having him stay in the hospital.  Way less scary then me taking care of him alone.  I know they will do what is best for him.  This has been such a roller coaster ride of emotions, everyday I have been having highs and lows. Mostly I am feeling anxious (I always feel pretty emotional for a couple of days after having a baby).  Health wise, we are still waiting for a couple of test result to come in (poor baby had to have a catheter tonight)...then I will update more about his health.  He sure is cute!

My Mother in law Roberta was here watching the kids and was a huge help.  She left this morning, we are so grateful for her.

Theo's new feeding tube. (and cute hat)

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Theo Part 1

I know people have been anxiously awaiting some news/pictures of baby Theo. There are so many awesome and amazing pictures from the birth I didn't even know how to narrow it down further than this so get ready for a massive picture overload.  I will post pictures first and then at the end...kinda the birth story. 
We checked in at 6:30.  I had to get some pictures of how small my tummy was.  CRAZY. 

For some reason it won't let me center this but Cali got here at 10:30...that was really calming for me. 
My lunch that I couldn't Cortney ate it.  It looked delicious.  I was so hungry. 

Staring wistfully at the food. 

We would watch all of the updates and contractions on the monitor.

This was my first delivery where I was sick.  Here I am looking sick.  I threw up a couple of times...that was different. 

Trying to look happier.

Feeling sick again.  I would feel nauseous when my contractions would come...then for a minute or so I would feel better. 

I had tons of medicine going in me.  Penicillin, steroids, saline, and pitocin. 

This is when I started to feel like I was needing to push.

Yup...the baby was almost out already.


Getting ready to push.  I pushed for one contraction.  3 times in about 40 seconds. 


Out he came...

I felt so relieved once he was out...

My mother in law Roberta came and watched the delivery.  She took tons of these awesome pictures. 

Crying baby.  Such a good sound.  It looks loud but it sure wasn't. 

This is super gross...but i had to include it because my placenta is REALLY small.  Cortney always takes a picture of it and mine last time was at least twice the size of this one.  It could be the cause of Theo not growing in utero.  My placenta from henry took up more than half of that bucket. 

Chaos and stitches.

Tiny baby. 

Look how small that preemie diaper is on him!

Here are some notes Cali took throughout the day. 

Checked in at 6:30
Strep test positive, virus (cmv) antibodies present (I couldn't believe I was positive for the strep test...arghhh...the cmv could be nothing or it could be means at some point in my life I had cmv...the baby is getting tested for it now. It could be serious if I got it while pregnant.)
Epidural at 9:05
Broke your water at 10:00
Cali comes at 10:30
Feeling nausea at 12:00
Checked at 12:35, at a 2 cm 70%, -1
checked at 2:15, 2 1/2cm, 80%
At 2:20 the baby was "being naughty" (heartrate decelerations with contractions) came in and flipped her to her left side, checked again and was a 3 cm.
At 2:50 dilated to a 4cm, 90% effaced, zero station.  put fluid through cath in the contraction monitor to buffer the cord (amniotic infusion)
3:21 threw up
3:40 dilated to a 6. The amniotic infusion really worked.
4:00 feeling a lot of pressure, nurse came to check,  fully dilated and crowning!
4:16 Theodore born, 4 lb 6 oz 18 inches long apgar, 8/9 
couple of stitches , small placenta.
cord wrapped around neck

It was a stressful day with lots of highs and lows.  So far Theo is passing every test with flying colors.  

I feel like he is my miracle baby.  He is doing so good.  I will update more soon.  (the internet is so slow here)